Abstract Tuxedo Mask

I wish she could love me, the way I need her to love me, and not rely so heavily on me loving her. I don't even know what I mean by that, but it's thoughts that come to my head and feel I need to express somewhere. I'm not a fan of being let down, being down hurts and it's an inescapable prison that life has to offer. I deserve prestige, for nothing more than the fact that I want to feel like someone's King, I've done so much to be one. I'm a hopeless romantic, with a non-hopeless feel to it. I want to be just a Romantic, just a Romeo, who has fallen madly and deeply in love with a Juliet, but my problem is I've never found a Juliet willing to love me as a Romeo. Always too nice, always used, abused, torn, tattered, I'm a fucking Mattress. I need to be a Matt, I want to be a Matt, I am a Matt, not a door Mat, but a Matthew who is deserving of his Persephone, whoever she may be, and whenever she may appear.

I often wonder why I'm here, or what's the point of everything? I find that I am guided by Stars, but I don't understand where they are leading me. Maybe that's the point, we don't know, or need to know. I just feel so trapped in myself, a cage fighter  ready to escape but he's shackled down and forced to be a good boy. I want to dream, and then chase my dream. I want to fly, I want to travel the world, I want millions of people loving and respecting me. I want...that which I cannot have. Or who knows, maybe one day I'll get a lucky break. Grace by surprise, my beautiful daughter got to come over and spend the day with me. I'm so very happy, and proud of her, she makes my day. We've drawn, colored, and just hung out tickling eachother and laughing. I needed this, I've missed her so much and it wasn't fair that I hadn't been able to see her, because of my divisibility. Right now she's coloring in her coloring book, and I'm typing this, she can color very well! She's so intelligent, and so wild, and funny, and free. I envy her.... I wish I could be a kid again, life was easier.