Warrior Rain

For two days I have been absent, gone, lost in the world of my son and Ashtin. It was a great time spent, we did a lot of things. Although this maiden still refuses to lay with me, for this I will not understand. It attacks my self esteem, but I know that it shouldn't. She loves me, she kisses me, she cuddles me at night before bed, and she showers with me the next day. I tell her how I feel, how I need to feel her embrace, how it weakens me, but she says she feels I am trying to manipulate her into doing what she doesn't want to do.... I feel bad for this, so I stop. My son is a wild fire ball of love and happiness. He gives me kisses, and wants me to hold him, and says "da-da-da" so perfectly it melts my heart each time. I love having children, but they are a lot of work! Not that it's a bad thing, just something I remembered by having my little  boy around. I went to court, and it was fine, I plead not guilty to charges of criminal trespassing and being under the influence of a controlled substance. This all happened when I was having my breakdown and went to Cody on the hunt for the pedophile seen in the flyers around town. I look back on this event with embarrassment, but now I have to face court soon in April or May. On top of that, I have no idea what happened with the domestic battery thing I dealt with. I'm confused about it all, but I guess I just take things as they go, talk to my public defender, keep seeing my therapist, and hope that things work out. I don't know what else I can do.

Tonight at some point I'm supposed to be seeing Amanda, and hanging out with her. I'm not sure what we're going to do, but she recently broke up with her boyfriend, and I know that she's feeling lonely about it. Hopefully we can have a good time, and just enjoy life together as friends do. Just got back from my cousins house, we watched TV and then did nothing... not as much fun as it could have been, but that's life. I just found out my public Defender is going to be Brigida and she the best you can have. I was blown away when I opened the letter, so I can't wait to see what happens when court comes. In fact it's pretty much eliminated all stress I could have. Now I just have to make sure and be a good boy until the court day.... but it's so hard, being a bad boy is so fun! haha I find myself feeling happy today and that's all that matters. G-unit called me King Matthew and I loved it. I'm going to change my facebook accordingly. 

I love adventures, I want to go on one right now! I would love to be a medieval Knight or King, and fight for truth and justice. Or I would like a modern day adventure, whichever came first. I usually cum first, not really, it's a team effort. I'm feeling so good right now, like whatever depression I had before has melted away. I'm not even sure why actually, but I'm not complaining. Tim's about to make Chili dogs, my mom is watching T.V. on the couch, and I'm typing my thoughts away. I still lack motivation to do things in my life... like finding a way to afford my medication, before it runs out. I'm not excited about that.